What Happened At the Doctor's

So I realized I forgot to tell you guys what happened at my doctor's appointment. Well, to be blunt, I have no fucking clue. They still don't know what's wrong with my head and now I need to get a CT scan done because it's no a neurological thing. I hate not knowing what's wrong with me. :|

Doctor's Appointment

This is it guys. For the past year or so, I've been getting chronic headaches and dizziness spells and waves of nausea and I had no idea why. I'm going to the doctor's so that hopefully figure out what's going on. They told me to make a sorta sick log, kinda like a diary where I write down every time I get an incident. We're gonna go over it to hopefully find out what's going on in my brain. Hope it's not life threatening and curable.

Birds

So we're learning about poetry in English class now, and guess what our new subject is?

Birds. Yup, I have to write a poem about birds. And not any birds, no. I have to write about the Northern Cardinal. Granted, the Northern Cardinal is pretty fucking cool, but writing a poem about birds? HOW DOES THIS RELATE TO MODERNISM?!

I mean, sure it would be easy to write a short poem about birds, but not a modernistic piece. I mean, maybe if I make it ambiguous enough it would work. Maybe...

Anyways, just wanted to share my thoughts on bird poetry. 

In Which Mabel's Faith in Humanity is Momentarily Restored

The coolest thing happened just now. So my parents were complaining about shoveling the snow (we got about another 4-6 inches today, that's about almost 1/2 a foot guys), so I told them I would do it since I didn't wanna do homework and shoveling snow is kinda fun. When I get to the gateway of our lot, and was getting the last bit of snow off, I heard someone calling to me, asking if my parents paid me to shovel the snow.

I turn around and it's one of the neighbors who like in the apartment complex in front of us. Now, I live in a coach house. That basically means I live in a small two floor house that is directly behind a main building. Here's a shitty diagram I made up to show you how it looks like from the gateway/sidewalk.

Diagram aside, the neighbor that lives in the apartment building asked if my parents paid me to shovel snow. I told her no, that I volunteered. She asked if I could help her, and I thought, might as well, I'm already out here and I don't wanna work on language homework.

She was shoveling snow to park her car, and apparently she works as an architectural preserver (the people who are hired to help upkeep and preserve architectural landmarks and whatnot) as well as interior design. Now, since you probably don't know, I am a huuuuuuuuuge architect nerd. It's pretty much all I've ever wanted to be since the 5th grade. It's my passion, my life's work, everything I love and more. Architecture is the utter best, hands down. I love it more than anime.

So it's safe to say that our conversation was chalk full of awesome stuff. Anyways, after we've effectively cleared out enough snow, she told me she would pay me. Yeah, I know, insane! I was totally not expecting that, especially since the work wasn't too hard to manage between two people and it wasn't a lot either. I tried to tell her no and give her back the money, but she really insisted. I was like, well ok man, if you're sure.

She gave me $10. I would've expected her to give me like 5, but nope, she gave me ten whole dollars. Hot damn man, that's like 10 fucking McChickens right there. I gave it to my parents for gas money, but my mom didn't wanna take all of it, so she only took half. Long story short, I am now five bucks richer, aww yeah~!

Webcomic Club: New Power, Creepy Cafe, Making Webcomics, and Actually Reading Webcomics

Gooood morning Webcomic Club! (Or afternoon, depends when are you reading this.) I have a few announcements for you guys that I know for sure you'll be interested in.

New Power:

That's right guys, as of last week, I, Mabel Escobar, has taken over Webcomic Club in a peaceful coup d'etat. Chloekins will still be president and Saffron is still vice president, but it's just a puppet government where the true leader is me. You will listen to everything Chloe tells you (or Saff), but all higher up decisions will ultimately be from me. Don't worry though, I won't turn into Stalin. I just think it's high time the kohai of Anime Club had a few changes.

Creepy Cafe:

Webcomic club will be hosting a creepy cafe (with zombie/monster maids!) sometime mid-April. This will be one month after Anime Club's fundraiser. This cafe is not connected with the school, and will be hosted in an outside location (tentatively the gallery(?) of Chloe's father). We need people to be maids/butlers, chefs/patisseries, and artists to create and sell creepy artwork. We already have the creepy art book that we will be selling, but sculptures and craft items should also be considered in our inventory to sell.

Making Webcomics:

Yup, we'll be making webcomics from now on. I am hoping that with the combined talent with everyone, we can create a mini webcomic that we will eventually publish and create in a physical and digital format. So come to club with good ideas and characters! I have several ideas we can work out, but I want to give creative freedom to everyone.

Reading Webcomics:

That's right guys. From now on, we'll actually be reading webcomics. Huzzah! They'll be on a PowerPoint/slideshow and will be shown in rotation. That is to say on one week we read Webcomic A, next week we read Webcomic B, third week we read Webcomic C, and the fourth week we go back to Webcomic A. If you would like to read a specific webcomic, tell me, Chloe, or Saff, and we'll try to bring it in.

Have a good week Webcomic Club!

In Which Mabel Tells a Story: How David Left His Mark

STORY TIME GUYS! I'm gonna tell you how David broke his leg (despite being in a wheelchair) and how there is now a permanent mark at Lane Tech of our existence.

To those of you who don't know, David has SMA (spinal muscle atrophy) and has been in a wheelchair most of his life. He also get's really sleepy in the morning when it's cold. This is a very bad combination. This is what the little fucker of a best friend looks like:

Anyways, it was my freshman year, we weren't as close as we are now. It was dead end winter, and the only thing on my mind at the time (other than listening to Rise Against on full volume on my mp3) was getting inside as fast as possible. As I was about to walk inside the building, I see David parked nearby the little rail guard things by the entrance. Now I'm not paying attention, so from my point of view, it just looks like he's stuck or something, so my first reaction is "Hey David, see you inside." And for the rest of the day I'm wondering where David was because he never showed up.

The reason for this is because he broke his leg. Yup. The kid in the wheelchair broke his leg. What happened was that, because it was a cold early morning, he was super sleepy and thus not in full control of hit motor functions, so he accidentally drove his chair into the railing. The snow made him lose control momentarily, so he couldn't stop and ended up crashing into the post. And consequently broke his leg. So while I thought he was just stuck (with a bunch of people crowding around, in what I presumed, to help him get unstuck), he was actually cursing worse than a sailor and yelling at the top of his lungs because he broke his leg. Yes, that actually happened.

To this day, there is a mark on that rail guard and we see it whenever we enter and exit the school. Somehow David blames me.

That long grey mark is where his chair hit the rail guard. It's been three years and it's still there! I laugh every time I see it. 

In Which Mabel Does Xir First Assignment

 The Metamorphosis Assignment One:

In Part I, the manager says to Gregor’s family, “We businessmen – fortunately or unfortunately, whichever you prefer – very often simply have to overcome a slight indisposition for business reasons.”

 How might this manager’s attitude affect Gregor’s attitude towards himself and his work? Are there times in your own life when you might need to ignore personal discomforts? In your opinion, is this a “fortunate” attitude to have, or is it “unfortunate”?

That's the prompt to my first assignment for class, so here I go, since I have nothing better to do.

The manager is a total asshat, (as exemplified with his lack of care/decency to Gregor's sickness), and from what we can gather from the way he interacts with Gregor, it's not un-normal for him to treat Gregor this way. As such, he's begun to hate his job more and more, holding it in contempt since he isn't treated with decency (or as even a human being, hurr hurr, see what I did there?), and because of that, his own self worth diminishes. Like, big time. see, Gregor has no real care for himself. Everything he does and strives for is for his family and their well-being. In a way, he has begun to see himself as a mere machine that constantly works for the good of others rather than himself. Which is kinda sad.

But you know what, I can relate. A lot actually. *Painfully see's self in Gregor.* While it is unfortunate that one has to ignore their personal discomforts for whatever reason (or the Greater Good^TM), it's a necessary attitude. And because of that, I can heavily relate to it. Just like Gregor, I gave up a lot of shit as a kid because I knew that, in my family, we were broke. We were working poor. We still are working poor. And at a really young age, I never asked for a single thing as a kid. It actually frustrated my parents (my mom especially) that I never asked for anything, because they always thought "Goddammit, she* must want something?!" And I did, I just never asked for it. I would get really jealous over the kids who had cooler and nicer and newer things than me, but I never said shit because I knew we didn't have money for it. It's made me really awkward at receiving gifts from people. Especially my friends. I always get weirded out when they give me things. >.>

So yeah, in all honesty, while I do think it's unfortunate to have such an attitude, I do think it necessary. And that's all have to say about that.

*I used female pronouns because, obviously, at the time, my parents didn't know about my genderfluidity and my preference for gender-neutral pronouns.

Pieces of My Mind: Sad Smile

Sad Smile

May wisdom and its words

Be passed down to you.

For every time I see your

Saddened face

Icy inside.

My only joy in this world is to see you smile.

But it’s an impossible dream for one so sad.

Your sad smile haunts me though

The night, causing alone howl

To escape my lips.

Pieces of My Mind: Life

Life

Children laughing

And shrieking.

Warm blue skies.

Smiling

Sins and sailing clouds,

Dripping ice cream cones

Puddles in her hands.

And one thinks:

It shouldn't end.

In Which Mabel Found An Old Made Up Song/Rap/Poem

So I'm looking through my old documents, and I see this little piece of shit from three years ago. It's old, shitty, and super fucking catchy. I never wrote song lyrics before, but for some reason, I did this one time. So here it is. (Maybe I'll actually record this, who knows.)

Music Blaring From the Bottom of the Sea

Music blaring from the bottom of the sea,

she plays onwards, 

only to sink down, 

aquamarine waves flowing themselves over her. 

Still she plays on, 

swinging herself back and forth, 

shaking her head side to side, 

and her body moving to the motions of the sea.

Music, music, it’s all in the sea,

in the sea, 

in the sea. 

She can’t stop, 

she won’t stop, and she’ll never stop.

The preppyness of the world, 

bruised to a dark shade of purple.

In the sea, in the sea! 

She’s crazy, 

oh Lordy, she’s crazy! 

Go crazy babe, 

‘cause there be no more for you! 

Rocking in the sea,

in the sea, in the sea! 

Blaring music, 

crazy music, 

music, music, in the sea! 

Little mermaids prelude to sharks,

let the stars eat you away. 

IN THE SEA! 

Blaring, blaring, 

the music beats the rocks into sand,

the maiden dances. 

Babe, you be crazy, 

but there’s no more, so keep going,

keep going. 

Crazed bitches be playing in the sea,

in the sea, in the sea! 

Little girls are crying in the sea, 

the foam cascading over the maiden’s body 

in small waves of tears. 

The sea, 

oh sea, let the music play on. 

IN THE SEA! 

And she keeps on dancing, 

just to have music in the sea!

The Depression Cure: My Heart

(That awkward moment where you get your heartbroken so you write shitty poetry to help yourself get over it.)

My Heart

The Depression Cure: Perfect

(I hated how I had to be perfect as a kid. But I hate this poem even more.)

Perfect

The Depression Cure: Happiness is a Drug

(The following's a shitty slightly more recent poem about how much I hate being truly happy because it never lasts.)

Happiness is a Drug

In Which Mabel Decides to Showcase Xir Poetry

Yeah that's right peeps. I'm gonna start posting some poetry here. It's gonna be a bit different, since poetry is actually not my forte, but you can't get better if you keep it to yourself, right? Anyways, this is just a heads-up post. No actually poetry here.

Series of poetry will be:

• The Lady Who Went Insane
• A story in the form of a series of poetry describing the downward spiral of insanity of a girl called She. Contains some adultish themes and they're pretty long so they're under a cut off/read more.
• Poems for the Soul (one stanza, 3-5 lines poetry)
• A collection of small poems that tend to be personal and ambiguous. 
• The Depression Cure
• Poems I wrote during severe bouts of depression. They tend to be pretty dark and long. They're also very old, so I have no real pride in them anymore. They will always be under a cut off/read more.
• Pieces of My Mind
• Poems and short stories that don't fit in The Depression Cure series, but are still personal. They range from dark to lighthearted and happy.